A New Psalm

[71degrees]

One day you notice
your favorite shirt
is hot red, not blue

the outside porch lights
are shaped like pineapples

you wonder if today is the day
for that epiphany you’ve been
waiting for all your life

Maybe your lover is now Irish,
a lassie who leans her head
slightly to the right when she
kisses you. Someone knocks;

you eagerly open the door;
a lilied field stretches beyond
everything you will ever know

Hi 71, I like this poem a lot. Finish the punctuation (why only the partial?). I think 'hot pink' might be better than red (more vivid, absurd, humorous and goes with hot). Although, I don't mind 'lilied field', I think that 'field of lilies' expands the grandeur of the vison. I feel that you can make better choices for line breaks, improving emphasis and drama. I read your poem somewhat like this:

One day you notice your favorite
shirt is hot pink, not blue;
the outside porch lights are shaped
like pineapples.

You wonder if today
is the day for that epiphany
you’ve been waiting for
all your life.

Maybe your lover is now Irish,
a lassie who leans her head
slightly to the right when she
kisses you. Someone knocks;

you eagerly open the door;
a field of lilies stretches beyond
everything you will ever know.

See what you think. Nice work!/Chris
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Thanks for the read and/or comments. Have to be careful w/the lilies image so it doesn't bump into "Lilies of the Field" (both Bible and movie image). Hot pink is too feminine. Glad you like the poem. Line breaks? Will take a hard look. One can always work on line breaks. Thanks.

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I'm going to have to agree with Chris, the line breaks do seem awkward and do nothing for the flow of the poem. I do like its expansive nature, but I wish I was given some sort of subject focal point, maybe I'm not reading close enough though.
Hank.

Thanks for the read, Hank. Line breaks must do something Seriously, appreciate the read.