my girls

[heslopian]

You sit there in your bed time clothes
sitting covered, in a curl,
Only showing your cute little toes
Holding our baby girl. This verse is the best because it's simple and imagistic without resorting clichés. It's like a tiny snapshot.

You two mean so much
Nothing can compare.
Cannons roar at every touch
I even love your hair. The first two lines of this verse are a bit cliché, but I really like the rhyme of "compare" and "love your hair", so I don't know if I'd suggest a strong edit.

Yours so dark and in a mess
Going everywhere.
Hers still changing color,
And curling here and there. Similar to the first verse in its positive qualities. The changing hair colour is a particular high point.

My girls mean the world to me This is a bit cliché.
Everything else is mist.
My heart belongs to one woman,
And our baby we've been blessed. This doesn't really make grammatical sense. Should it be something like "and BY our baby we've been blessed"?

bring it on critics! give me your worst! i strive to improve, and work out the quirks.

This one has promise, though I think it would benefit from being quite a bit shorter. In my opinion poems with such a simple, unassuming style decrease in effect the longer they are. Again, just my opinion. Thank you for the read