Whiskey Memories third edit

[Todd]

Hi Linda, I quite like what you're attempting here. Some cooments for you:

Whiskey Memories--This is an interesting title in that we focus on the woman, but it isn't her memories that are in view. I like this to some degree, but in one sense it doesn't work because the men wouldn't have the earlier point of view prior to the Side Track Grill, and there's no sense here that she also had whiskey memories.

As a child she was fat like her mother,
arms and legs sausage tight and round,
her aunts rolled their eyes, wagged their heads,--wagged (don't like the word) their heads seems unneeded. If you could restructure and end on rolled moving their eyes down a line it might play nicely with round on the previous line
knowing she would never get a man.

Now she’s almost grown, eighteen,
working at the Side Track Grill,
made-up eyes dark and smoky, with--I don't like the break on with
hips, grandma said, made for birthing.

The boys act the fool around her,
with spotted chins, sleeveless shirts
dreaming of her legs round their waists
hips rolling like the wheels of a chevy.--I like this simile.

Even the grown men after work,
watch the way she flips her hair--Maybe rearranging the break so it ends on flips may be interesting because we expect her to be flipping food and it would provide a nice nuance
the way she laughs, the way she--don't like this break but I'm also not a fan of spews (while it may work with whiskey its an unattractive word maybe burns to give the sense of a grill again like flips does and then rewrite the next line a little
spews anger out her eyes when she sees you looking.

They down a scotch or two,
then drive the blacktop road home
to their memories of dark-eyed girls,
home to their dreams of success,
home to their wives, now stubborn and sour,--love this line with its break on sour (how it ties back to whiskey)
who want more than they can give.--great ending

Hope some of the thoughts will be helpful.

Best,

Todd