12-02-2013, 03:02 AM
Maybe it's a true story, I don't know. But the life story is too compressed. Two stanzas,
these:
I look at the kid I was: he's a goon. No wonder
I stayed in my room with comic books, radio and
masturbatory fantasies. When I made those dreams
come true they were worthless. My boon companion
was Poe. He understood; nobody else.
I went up to bat and got hit in the mouth with a pitch.
They turned the camera to me: I froze and couldn't speak.
I lost my job at the car wash in a week. My father built a coop
for raising pigeons: I accident'ly let them all escape. When the
time came to shoot group photos for the yearbook, I forgot
to show up.
could both be made into a separate poem. If you expanded on one of those subjects, you could work out something more concentrated and compelling.
You could make poems out of most of the stanzas, even the two lines about going to church.
And I think accidently is a word, even though accidentally is a word too.
these:
I look at the kid I was: he's a goon. No wonder
I stayed in my room with comic books, radio and
masturbatory fantasies. When I made those dreams
come true they were worthless. My boon companion
was Poe. He understood; nobody else.
I went up to bat and got hit in the mouth with a pitch.
They turned the camera to me: I froze and couldn't speak.
I lost my job at the car wash in a week. My father built a coop
for raising pigeons: I accident'ly let them all escape. When the
time came to shoot group photos for the yearbook, I forgot
to show up.
could both be made into a separate poem. If you expanded on one of those subjects, you could work out something more concentrated and compelling.
You could make poems out of most of the stanzas, even the two lines about going to church.
And I think accidently is a word, even though accidentally is a word too.
