What Remains

[71degrees]

Hi

Fascinating stories. Are they true?

Anyway, the heart of the poem should be in the last part about
you and your father and why you continue to misunderstand each other.
I think somehow that needs to be brought out.

In terms of layout, perhaps split each country into its own stanza, just a thought.

enjoyed your poem.
Scott

This is one of a proposed chapbook. You are, of course, correct. The misunderstanding between father and son is the focal point and will be brought out. Thanks.

---

In some regions of China,
a dead man’s reputation
is considered proportional
to the number of guests
who attend his funeral;
strippers are often hired
to pull crowds
In Madagascar, the dead
are often pulled from graves
and carried about, body danced
above attendees, but only once
every seven years
Stoney ground in Tibet
makes burial often impossible,
so the dead are often chopped,
mixed with flour and left
to be eaten by scavenging birds
In Wisconsin, my own father I think the poem starts here
is stored in cold porcelain;
at the funeral, I suppressed an urge
to pilfer some ashes for fear I really like pilfer. Its usually used to describe stealing things that aren't very valuable. Ashes aren't valuable. BUT to you, they are.
of not knowing which body part
was being placed into my hand, or
being smudged beneath my fingerprints
Yesterday, I took his herring bone sport
coat down to a charity store; hopefully,
I gave it away to someone else’s father;
five years after his death, we continue
to misunderstand each otherfeels like a cliffhanger! How? That is a brilliant thought but I wish I could look back at the poem now and see a few examples of how you misunderstood each other

A lot of this feels like Wikipedia. It is information. Interesting information but..
Perhaps you are just trying to show how different countries/cultures handle death.. or maybe you decided to share those facts for a different purpose.
Regardless, for me, the poem starts when you begin talking about your father. Picturing the ashes in your hand.. someone else wearing his coat.. it evokes emotion from me because I have lost loved ones.. I have urns that contain family members ashes. I can relate.
I don't get any emotional response from the factual presentation of the information in the first half.
If you are attached to the factual information, perhaps you could find a way to connect it ..compare it.. to the death of your father.
Thanks for sharing, Jenn

If ashes aren't so valuable, why do people keep them? Thanks for the read….

---

In some regions of China,
a dead man’s reputation
is considered proportional
to the number of guests
who attend his funeral;
strippers are often hired
to pull crowds
In Madagascar, the dead
are often pulled from graves
and carried about, body danced
above attendees, but only once
every seven years
Stoney ground in Tibet
makes burial often impossible,
so the dead are often chopped,
mixed with flour and left
to be eaten by scavenging birds
In Wisconsin, my own father
is stored in cold porcelain;
at the funeral, I suppressed an urge
to pilfer some ashes for fear
of not knowing which body part
was being placed into my hand, or
being smudged beneath my fingerprints
Yesterday, I took his herring bone sport
coat down to a charity store; hopefully,
I gave it away to someone else’s father;
five years after his death, we continue
to misunderstand each other

Hi, 71, I've been enjoying this one. I find it striking to imagine a different outcome even down to the moment of burial. I was a little confused at the end because it seemed you wanted to wish the same scenario on another child by having their father resemble yours, but I don't think that is what you mean. Maybe a small change in wording might make it clearer. Where you just saying he would have suited someone else better?

Can you tell me why you punctuated the poem with exception of the period?

Thanks for posting, interesting and touching read.

I rarely use end marks (at least periods) in my poems. Poetry is so…so open, I guess. It never ends, does it? I agree w/your assessment of the end, but then you answer your own question so well It may just work...