11-30-2013, 03:18 AM
Hi, Mike, I was about to post about the original when I noticed your edit. Here's the site's suggestion on how to post an edit.
I think the poem suffers from some of your cuts. I found the mosquito coming around to the bug repellant interesting. I liked the inclusion of social media and how it can effect relationships.
I think the poem might be better served by going through each line to see what you can cut than by eliminating whole sections.
I also can't figure out the italics. I think if you strengthen and clarify your words they will do the job themselves.
Of course, just my opinion, your poem.
I think the poem suffers from some of your cuts. I found the mosquito coming around to the bug repellant interesting. I liked the inclusion of social media and how it can effect relationships.
I think the poem might be better served by going through each line to see what you can cut than by eliminating whole sections.
I also can't figure out the italics. I think if you strengthen and clarify your words they will do the job themselves.
Of course, just my opinion, your poem.
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