11-27-2013, 08:18 AM
Hi Todd,
I think it was this scene/chapter that gave me the most trouble. I guess when introducing any sort of supernatural element the author should take care to either ease the reader into it or shock them with something totally unexpected. Here it's kind of in the middle, which is maybe why I had issues. I like the description of the man but his dialogue just seems... lacking. I generally read too fast (my fault) and what he said just blurred together for me, but didn't give me enough reason to slow down. Don't think the paragraphing helped either.
First of all the timing didn't seem to fit-- his mom wasn't home yet but then it was already dark? Maybe if you mentioned the time (or just general time of day) it'd help. I haven't read the Stephen King novel that was mentioned, and while you explained the other ones well enough I think a tiny bit more explanation of Pet Sematary wouldn't hurt.
Also, having read more about her, wouldn't Ally be a bit more mad that he started without her?
And this is being very nitpicky but here goes: so often in books/TV shows/movies there is a highschool aged best-girl-and-guy-friend-couple that do everything together and don't have other best friends of their same sex. It's tempting but really unrealistic, at least in the world I grew up in (and I went to three different highschools, in the not-so-distant past).
Anyway hope my comments are of use. =]
-justcloudy
I think it was this scene/chapter that gave me the most trouble. I guess when introducing any sort of supernatural element the author should take care to either ease the reader into it or shock them with something totally unexpected. Here it's kind of in the middle, which is maybe why I had issues. I like the description of the man but his dialogue just seems... lacking. I generally read too fast (my fault) and what he said just blurred together for me, but didn't give me enough reason to slow down. Don't think the paragraphing helped either.
First of all the timing didn't seem to fit-- his mom wasn't home yet but then it was already dark? Maybe if you mentioned the time (or just general time of day) it'd help. I haven't read the Stephen King novel that was mentioned, and while you explained the other ones well enough I think a tiny bit more explanation of Pet Sematary wouldn't hurt.
Also, having read more about her, wouldn't Ally be a bit more mad that he started without her?
And this is being very nitpicky but here goes: so often in books/TV shows/movies there is a highschool aged best-girl-and-guy-friend-couple that do everything together and don't have other best friends of their same sex. It's tempting but really unrealistic, at least in the world I grew up in (and I went to three different highschools, in the not-so-distant past).
Anyway hope my comments are of use. =]
-justcloudy
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.