Spent

[Nick]

So I'm watchin' these two butterflies
Not big ones, like Monarchs
These ones are quarter size, yellow, and they're dancin' through the air
in a tango, kung fu, copulatin' kinda way

The longer I watch, the less I remember being tied to earth by thoughts of
rising gas prices
widowed mother
looming nuclear war
imminent terrorist attack
terminated tumescence
next years drought
and such

Up, down, circling, colliding, caressing-
all the while being drifted about by the breeze
over the grass, over the asphalt

Then a car comes by and WHAM!
they're gone
Off for the ride of their life on a Hyundai bumper


But for a moment I was no longer a man
I was a third butterfly, invisible and free

Now I stand here, molted by a machine
and hoping it was good for them

It was good for me


Try it in present tense throughout. Might iron out some of the criticism that others have pointed out. Anytime the tense jumps back and forth, it distracts.

Example toward the end: "But for a moment I AM no longer a man
I AM a third butterfly, invisible and free

Also, a bit more rhyme here and there might spread that "Dr. Seuss" kind of "out there" atmosphere you have created so nicely.

I enjoyed this. It lifted me into the butterfly's world for a moment. Not every poem can say that.

Thanks.