11-19-2013, 07:18 PM
I like the antithesis used, but it makes the reading quite tense - I don't know if that was your intention or not.
Some random scribblings:
Some random scribblings:
(11-18-2013, 02:53 AM)Jae Mc Donnell Wrote: EditCheers, and thank you for sharing your world.
I am unbinding movement -- the word 'unbinding' suggests a bind - which fractures the image for me. But I cannot think of a better synonym; a thought.
Yet motionless calm
I am the petals of the blossom
And winter’s kiss to spring
I am a carefree child's perception -- These four lies I would consider removing 'a' and exercising ellipsis - it feels more flowing to me that way.
I see wonder in everything
I am a waking moment of clarity
In a barren dreamless night
I am faith beyond religion
Not an ideal of wrong or right
I am blind to race and creed
And need to make this clear
Your hate will not deter me
Nor will you bind me with your fear
Because I am love
And I Am sent me
Original
I am unbinding movement
Yet motionless calm
I am the petals of the blossom
And winter’s kiss to spring
I am a carefree child's perception
I see wonder in everything
I am a waking moment of clarity
In a barren dreamless night
I am faith beyond religion
Not an ideal of wrong or right
I am blind to race and creed
And need to make this clear
I am not here to discuss this
You will lose
Because I am love
And I am sent me

