I Am Sent Me
#5
I like the antithesis used, but it makes the reading quite tense - I don't know if that was your intention or not.

Some random scribblings:

(11-18-2013, 02:53 AM)Jae Mc Donnell Wrote:  Edit
I am unbinding movement -- the word 'unbinding' suggests a bind - which fractures the image for me. But I cannot think of a better synonym; a thought.
Yet motionless calm

I am the petals of the blossom
And winter’s kiss to spring

I am a carefree child's perception -- These four lies I would consider removing 'a' and exercising ellipsis - it feels more flowing to me that way.
I see wonder in everything


I am a waking moment of clarity
In a barren dreamless night

I am faith beyond religion
Not an ideal of wrong or right

I am blind to race and creed
And need to make this clear

Your hate will not deter me
Nor will you bind me with your fear

Because I am love
And I Am sent me

Original
I am unbinding movement
Yet motionless calm

I am the petals of the blossom
And winter’s kiss to spring

I am a carefree child's perception
I see wonder in everything

I am a waking moment of clarity
In a barren dreamless night

I am faith beyond religion
Not an ideal of wrong or right

I am blind to race and creed
And need to make this clear

I am not here to discuss this
You will lose

Because I am love
And I am sent me
Cheers, and thank you for sharing your world.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
I Am Sent Me - by Jae Mc Donnell - 11-18-2013, 02:53 AM
RE: I Am Sent Me - by Mungo man - 11-18-2013, 04:01 AM
RE: I Am Sent Me - by Jae Mc Donnell - 11-18-2013, 05:02 AM
RE: I Am Sent Me - by Mungo man - 11-18-2013, 05:49 AM
RE: I Am Sent Me - by Polar Bear - 11-19-2013, 07:18 PM
RE: I Am Sent Me - by beaufort - 11-20-2013, 12:11 PM
RE: I Am Sent Me - by Mikeodial - 11-23-2013, 04:33 AM
RE: I Am Sent Me - by ThePinsir - 11-23-2013, 05:49 AM



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