Mango Trees

[Polar Bear]

Heyo - I see you don't have any feedback so I'll offer some. I'm very very new to this so take this all with a shaker of salt.

I like the imagery in S3 and wished there was more of it in the overall poem.

Also, it seems there isn't much to the meter - I can't seem to find a rhythm, except for the first four lines S1, which felt quite flowing to me.

So my desire is more imagery and a more coherent rhythm.

The emotional tone, however, came across fine.

Thank you.

Today I ate a mango and thought
of your mum, how she peeled it
and cut it for me, so very
painstakingly.
I never could tell
if she liked me enough, all her
stories put on repeat
that I heard. I hope,
she’s ok. I will write
till this - those- these
waves
their incessant drizzle
caught up with me.
I am off my feet. I will write
till this repeated hurt
dissipates.

I know I’m not allowed to miss you,
It’s hardly fair, you know.

I wish the walls of my room
turn inside-out and let
the monsoon rains overturn me,
wash out the stains, fill the throbbing
vessel, large and small, begotten
when starlight filtered through
the wetted roses in Barcelona,
after an afternoon
of giddy love-making,
and you fell sick.

Maybe I did too, and never
admitted it, changing cities,
jumping continents,
running away and towards you.

I will go back to Hamburg and find you there,
as if we’d never left:
First you,
then me, empty-roomed and with a sawn jaw,
and angry anguish I’d use to stab your vocation
and sever
our held hands.

Learning that it is too late is too painful
that’s why it doesn't feel
very different from when I dropped
my hot and desperate tears
on your bed
without stopping.