I Am Sent Me

[Jae Mc Donnell]

I am unbinding movement
Yet motionless calm -- This line seems to serve only to conflict with itself, because when is love ever motionlessly calm? It seems to fight the theme a little bit. The structure fits with it, but perhaps with a bit of thinking you can see something that works better.

I am the petals of the blossom
And winter’s kiss to spring

I am a carefree child's perception
I see wonder in everything -- love these four lines

I am a waking moment of clarity
In a barren dreamless night -- when does waking occur on a dream less night? Just a thought

I am faith beyond religion
Not an ideal of wrong or right

I am blind to race and creed
And need to make this clear

I am not here to discuss this -- this part threw me off. What exactly are you here to discuss? And what are you not here to discuss really? It seems out of place and (for me) it throws off the mood of the poem at a crucial point.
You will lose

Because I am love
And I am sent me maybe its that I don't understand your phrasing but it seems like you could conjure up a better line. I like the clarification of love though, it ties the nearly unrelatable events together with a common theme that the reader can now understand.

It's a good idea for a poem, and at certain points I really enjoyed it. There are just a few things that muddle it up.

keep up the good work [/b]

Hello Mungo man, Thank you for you reply. I have made a change based on it, so thanks again.
Just a few points:
In saying "motionless calm" I was referring to the concept of inner piece and understanding that Buddhist refer to, that there is this oneness and stillness to everything.
As for the last line the 'I am sent me' one.
this was reference to Judaism and Christianity. This is to say love is sent from a higher power whether we take this to be a deity or simply the universe or indeed we could be the 'I Am' as in the state of being, existence, if you get my rambling. It's a condition of this oneness whereas hate is a projection of the self.
Again thanks for your comments I'd love to know if you like the line change and I will take a closer look at the rest and see where or if I will make more.