"I Plummet, As I Lie in Bed"

[milo]

You maintain a solid meter throughout the first stanza but lose control of it through the rest. As a whole, I don't know that there is anything really new here but it could work as an exercise in rhyme and meter.

I plummet, as I lie in bed,
just as I start to slip away,
through memories of things you said,
and all the things I wished to say.

And when, in time, I end this fall,
as in some restless sleep I drown,
hopelessly, I meet your eyes; but that is all:
for even in my dreams, you turn me down.

Again, I rise, to live another day,
if living isthat's the word for what I do.
I act as I should, say what I should say,I live the motions - act and say-
but all the time, I think of only you.

well, that fixes the meter at least.