11-17-2013, 09:58 AM
Excellent work.
And critique for that matter.
In particular, the first two points made by cidermaid.
The question is useless to the poem overall.
Regarding removing the repetition of "half in love". I think you can afford to be vaguer with your imagery in line two having already introduced the half element in line one.
Perhaps along the lines of
"Breathlessly besotted with the green and mudded flats"
You only need to suggest the other element and your opening imagery naturally draws you there.
Your heron image is exquisite. Really suspenseful and immediate.
And critique for that matter.
In particular, the first two points made by cidermaid.
The question is useless to the poem overall.
Regarding removing the repetition of "half in love". I think you can afford to be vaguer with your imagery in line two having already introduced the half element in line one.
Perhaps along the lines of
"Breathlessly besotted with the green and mudded flats"
You only need to suggest the other element and your opening imagery naturally draws you there.
Your heron image is exquisite. Really suspenseful and immediate.