In Valyevo

[Todd]

Hi Lucent, I don't see a lot here that I don't like, which makes critiquing hard. Here goes:

We’re in Valyevo
where the river’s low
and easy, where light
falls through shafts in trees--feels like in and through should be reversed
and widows ignite--just gorgeous
the stove for coffee.

I love the tight slice of life phrasing. The sense of setting feels like it expresses the relationship. Everything conspires to help the couple. The sun makes coffee through the window, and like them the river is easy.

We slid here by train--slid is nice for its meandering light feel
(delayed) met with rain
at arrival. We’re--Not fond of this line break. I realize you're writing to a certain size line so I can deal with it
here for your grandma -
her cottage is near.
You’re here for baka.

This is the house where
she lives, stuffed with air
and cobwebs. You kiss--love stuffed air and cobwebs, gives a sense of something stale that needs to be aired out.
her photograph, make
the sign of the cross.
I can’t come in, take

that step through the door;
I don’t know your lore
of spirits, but you--this sign of the cross/lore of the spirits, and the next lines establish the couple and their differences well
show me the border,
the crossing words. True
Serb, you fetch water

for coffee, refuse
my help and abuse
my weakness for sweets,
drinks and cigarettes.--The cadence of this seems to really fit the easy relationship
Soon, our laughter greets
the walls. We say: Let’s

live like her: hard work,
rakia to perk
our nights of friendly
gossip; conviction
in vigour, holy
faith, god’s salvation.

Language is not true.
Confined in here, you
and I pretend ‘til
the sun sets. Her bed
is made for sleep. We’ll
admit it: she’s dead.--and that was surprising

I felt drawn into the scene and the relationship. There were moments where the line lengths felt a bit forced to me on the breaks, but I enjoyed the content so much I wrote it off as a style difference.

Not sure any of that helps, but enjoyed the read.

Best,

Todd