This is not my Landscape

[SirBrendan]

Todd: I took your suggestion and added 'they' to the second stanza to clarify it is still in the mock world. Thanks a lot by the way; it means a lot comin' from you. This was definitely the hardest piece to write so it's great to know it paid off and I'm improving.

Ellajam: I revised the opening line and as many punctuation errors as I could find; it made it better--thank you.

Jdeirmend: Thanks a lot for such a thorough critique. You were definitely right to call out my ravaging of English grammar. Some of them were just artistic license (I actually enjoy abandoning/distorting some grammar in my poems), but I realised you were right in that certain lines weren't made better for the abandonment. I hope I made enough change now that it doesn't feel quite so rough.

I would have made more revisions likely, but I locked myself into a strict 10 syllable trochaic metre. I spent a good thirty minutes considering your revisions, so this is about as good as I can do about it:p

Heslopian: So my poem is now dash-crazy. I like it better that way. I feel I've improved greatly since joining this site, but I'm not certain I can be compared even lightly to Hemingway yet Thank you