Ghosts (revision 3)

[Todd]

I think it's a good revision. I don't have a lot to call out. I'll spend some more time reading it, and thinking about it. I may be back later.

Here are the minor things that stood out as possible further edits:

(Thanks for the help thus far)

*revision 1*

The street lamp blinks some light, dies, then blinks again.--this pared down opening is much better. Seeing it this way, I don't think you need "some"
Trapped inside the room, a moth pares its wings
on the glass, falls to the windowsill, then does it again.--You have an opportunity to replace "falls" with some word that conveys a sound.
My eyelids do the same.

I remember his mouth;
how the ghosts under his tongue
slid through the gaps of his teeth,--of should probably be replaced with between
found mine, stayed there.
And the birds behind our eyes
drank too much to leave.

He told me there's a life of everything,
somewhere else; one that isn't made of feathers.
I'd be the flayed moth that made it through the glass,
He, the sun, and my guts would be warmed under him.--Maybe condense, "He, the sun, with my guts warmed under him"

So, very nice edit. I hope these comments are useful.

Best,

Todd