Needles (*content*)

[Todd]

Hi Violet,

Some comments for you:

I lie here--I always like uses of "lie" like this because it can always have two meanings
dick-length from your perfect warmth--great line. Normally I wouldn't like perfect, but the context seems to imply what perfect would be
and it stings, knowing what I'll do to you. --I think I'd like to see you do a break after "stings" just to keep that structure you established from line one, and also for the bit of surprise you get from the line break

The tar-thick scent of decay--don't know if you need the strophe break, but either way I'd stick with the line structure break after scent maybe and move "of decay" down to start the already writes between us line
already writhes between us--love the use of writhes here

and it's only a matter of time--the colloquialism is a bit overused and the poem could live with it being cut
before my needles fuck through--If you make the cut above change before with as. Also given the title I think ending the line with needles may be stronger.
your beautiful skin
like a thousand
bloated--bloated should probably go up a line. It detracts from pricks.
pricks
desperate to spray your insides--break on spray
with all my dirt and revulsion.

I press my face hard against--You could cut my face and break on hard.
the matted fuzz on your chest
knowing that I need to let you go

I cannot even look at you
without feeling tumorous.

A lot of comments, maybe more than I normally would do in this forum. That said, mostly structure line break type ones. I like the content.

Best,

Todd