To a Nation

[justcloudy]

Hi Jae

Love the rhythm of this, works well with the theme. Some thoughts below.

Slowly slowly catchy monkey,
the monkey catches, the house burns down not a fan of "catch" being repeated...

Quietly, quietly, listen closely,
to stained confessions of an egotistic clown this line breaks the rhythm and I stumble every time. needs to be shorter.

Quickly, quickly, I hear them coming,
the clumsy beat of feet on ground

So wakie wakie you sleepy nation, love wakie =]
the dogs of war have hunt you down it's either "will hunt" as Todd suggested or "have hunted" to be grammatically correct.

And from your wounds will grow no roses,
just deaths stale stench will there be found. I'm with Todd here. "death's", and "there will" and yes the roses line is fabulous.

Hope that's helpful. Really enjoyed it!

-justcloudy