This is not my Landscape

[Todd]

Hi Brendan,

I really like this. Let me give you some comments on the edit.

This is not my Landscape (Edit 1)

They say, write from only river born truths--You could possibly cut from.
drenched in deluge, crest sunk, felted motions.--felted motions is really cool. I feel like I'm looking at a felt board river diorama.
Write in ghost ribboned speak, purple flowered prose,--Maybe a hyphen after ghost.
pink hearts bled red, watered skies and of starry oceans.--Maybe cut the of. Love the sounds in this and the content. Pink hearts bled red is very nice
This is not my landscape
I am made of lead pipe--I may prefer from instead of of, but it's close.

--Your first strophe is really fun to read. I think you need to keep your They say's going into S2 or we'll feel we're in the lead pipe poem.

Caravans of tears emerge in feigned hurt--Maybe, "They say, and put a "must" before emerge. It allows you to play with abstraction and cliche without it touching you
draped in refuse, scavenged feeling balmed hearts.--Maybe, scavenged feelings for balmed hearts.
Shall we, weeping gardens, clap with singled arm;
satisfied now, wrapped in gold lilt, paint farts.--Enjoyed these last two lines
This is not my landscape
I am made of lead pipe

Mack truck poetry, fist fucked love holes, that's mine.
Dressed in refuge: nuclear me singing
carbon pressed joys, seismic measured hate speech.
Runaway dandy I, oiled up, clinging.
This is now my landscape
I am made of lead pipe

--loved the mad rush to the end.

It's my favorite thing you've written so far. I hope the comments help.

Best,

Todd