11-09-2013, 01:42 AM
A piece of my mind detangled
from webs of veins and nerves
jumped off like breaded ginger
into bedtime stories’ worlds.
Played a game of hide n seek
with my memory’s hidden zoo
of hippos, zebras, lion’s cubs
till they sprouted wings and flew.
Getting the meter and rhymes should be a close second to telling your story, I think. But still a second. There are so many ways to try out, giving the story a nice sound.
A game of hide n seek
within a zoo of memories;
hippos, zebras, lion cubs,
Might be a decent example of moving things around and smoothing out the lines.
You have enough material to work with.
from webs of veins and nerves
jumped off like breaded ginger
into bedtime stories’ worlds.
Played a game of hide n seek
with my memory’s hidden zoo
of hippos, zebras, lion’s cubs
till they sprouted wings and flew.
Getting the meter and rhymes should be a close second to telling your story, I think. But still a second. There are so many ways to try out, giving the story a nice sound.
A game of hide n seek
within a zoo of memories;
hippos, zebras, lion cubs,
Might be a decent example of moving things around and smoothing out the lines.
You have enough material to work with.