Puzzled piece, edit 3

[ChristopherSea]

[quote='justcloudy' pid='146454' dateline='1383782723']
edit 2

A piece of my mind detangled
from webs of veins and nerves
jumped off like breaded ginger
into bedtime stories’ worlds.

Played a game of hide n seek
with my memory’s hidden zoo
of hippos, zebras, lion’s cubs
till they sprouted wings and flew.

Jumped ship in tiger seas,
as canvas sails flapped lacking flair,
eye-patched toddlers ruled the decks
grinning down from seagulls lairs.

Dodged cannonballs and greyhounds
and kept at the chase so long
its shadow recrossed heaven
to land back where it belonged.

I love this cloudy and it brings me back to childhood! It reminds me of something from Robert Louis Stevenson’s, ‘A Children’s Garden of Verses’. I think you could tune up the meter and fine tune the rhymes some more with minor changes. Here is my attempt:

A piece of my mind detangled
from webs of nerves and veins
jumped off like breaded ginger
onto bedtime story plains.

Played a game of hide n seek
with my memory’s hidden zoo
of hippos, zebras, lion’s cubs
till they sprouted wings and flew.

Jumped our vessel in tiger seas,
canvas sails flapped without flair;
eye-patched toddlers ruled the decks
grinning down from seagulls lairs.

Dodged cannonballs and greyhounds,
kept at the chase head strong
its shadow recrossed heaven
to settle where it belonged.

Just some ideas to ponder; see what you think. Delightful!/Chris