Puzzled piece, edit 3

[Todd]

Hi Cloudy,

A couple comments on the edit:

edit 1


A part of me detangled
from webs of veins and nerves--from a content perspective I'm having a bit of trouble placing the opening lines. I'm not really clear on what type of detangling is going on. It could just be me
jumped off like breaded ginger
like in bedtime stories’ words.--I don't know if I'm fond of the repetition of like, I enjoy the leaping off point into fantasy. Would "into" be a possible substitute for like in?

Played a game of hide n seek
with my memory’s hidden zoo
of hippos, zebras, lion’s cubs
till they sprouted wings and flew.--Enjoyed that.

It jumped ship in tiger seas,--I'm not fan of it here. I love tiger seas, absolutely love it
as canvas sails flapped lacking flair,
eye-patched toddlers ruled the decks
grinning down from seagulls lairs.--all of this is fun and fanciful

It dodged cannonballs and greyhounds--Again the "it"
and kept at the chase so long
its shadow recrossed heaven
to land back where it belonged.

_____________________________________________________

Overall, really like the piece. I think it's mostly the first two lines that give me a bit of trouble before the transition.

I hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd