11-07-2013, 08:46 PM
I'm having a hard time with the structure here. I really like what you're saying but how you're saying it doesn't work for me. Obviously it's all choppy for a reason but I don't know what that is.
An image in the first four lines would make the opening stronger. I like lines 5-6 as an alternative opener. Maybe just get rid of the first 4, since you basically say the same at the end, and then rework the end a bit.
Just some thoughts.
An image in the first four lines would make the opening stronger. I like lines 5-6 as an alternative opener. Maybe just get rid of the first 4, since you basically say the same at the end, and then rework the end a bit.
Just some thoughts.
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.