11-07-2013, 08:26 PM
I was drawn by the title, something about that conjured up images for me. It does seem quite bitty to me which may be deliberate. I don't know enough about (ie anything!) how metre works to know but from my inexperienced point of view it made it a bit hard to read. The two lines i like are the tiny green dots and then the one about the wisps. Everything else felt a bit like factual narration with lots of telling rather than giving us images to experience.