This is not my Landscape

[ellajam]

Wow, Brendan, this one really comes across, nice job.

Here are some notes.

This is not my Landscape

They say, write from all of deep chest born truths I think you can do better than "deep chest"
drenched in deluge, crest sunk, felted motions Strong 3 lines, I'm not sold on "speak", period after motions?
Write in ghost ribboned speak, purple flowered prose
pink hearts bled red, watered skies and of starry oceans
This is not my landscape
I am made of lead pipe

Caravans of tears emerge in feigned hurt ; after hurt or drop the in after draped?
draped in refuse, scavenged feeling balmed hearts
Shall we, weeping gardens, clap with singled arm
satisfied now, wrapped in gold lilt, paint farts "clap with singled arm satisfied now," confuses me, love the rest of the line, period after "farts"?
This is not my landscape
I am made of lead pipe

Mack truck poetry, fist fucked love holes, that's mine strong
dressed in refuge, nuclear me singing
Carbon pressed joys, seismic measured hate speech
runaway dandy I, oil rig clinging I'm not getting why you omit the periods before "This is now my landscape"
This is now my landscape
I am made of lead pipe

I really enjoyed this, thanks for the read.