Walk With Me

[Graystar]

[quote='Graystar' pid='146184' dateline='1383633334']


Hey grey star,
This is just my opinion of course, but i think you should cut this in half to remove redundancy. Try to simplify it as much as possible to get down to the meat. Be clever by accident, don't force it. Also you wrote (pain is friend and foe) Pain is not a friend anywhere here that i can see. Well, That's my two cent's hope i didn't offend you because the material seems case sensitive.
Cheers,
Chazz

Hi Chazz,
Thank you! It is a poem I wrote about my pain. Your comments are very right on. Helped me see with new eyes. Thanks!
Graystar

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Hi Billy,
Your suggestions helped me see out of the pain and into the poem.
I needed that!
Thanks!
Graystar