Life On Rapids

[drithebee]

I have a problems with lines 6-9 in the second stanza. The lines sound disconnected and awkward. The phrasing an the structure could use further experimentation. As the audience I found it hard to travel through the poem without a constant rhythm. Could it be that the structure of the poem is meant to mimic that of rough, inconstant waters? I'm not averse to providing feedback yet, so I could be completely missing something.