11-04-2013, 10:36 AM
(10-24-2013, 01:18 AM)expiring_touch Wrote: Why does it hurt so much? Or better – why does it linger,I enjoyed the phrase "folds of my consciousness". I've never thought of consciousness in that way and I found it intriguing.
Fermenting between the folds of my consciousness, resurrecting.
I wake up, slowly,
slowly to the unforgiving glare of a new day.
and it’s not just my shoulders
that feel discomfort
because the aircon has been turned too low
and there’s no hiding from it in my small room.
I stumble from my bed, where my body is sprawled
Diagonally. Because I’m Russian and I like to expropriate
all the spaces
that had once been yours.
Like others have said "aircon" really doesn't fit in with the language of the poem and you should just say "air conditioning".
Overall I like the theme of the poem. I also enjoy how we don't find out why mornings are so painful until the end of the poem. Good work!
