11-01-2013, 04:21 PM
Hi ehabuncesored,
I am new here. I don't understand your name and for curiosity I'd like to say, what does it mean?
While there were things I liked in your writing much of it seemed more appropriate for stream of thought journaling not to ever be seen by others. It seemed to me you changed from saying you didn't measure up in the world that values degrees and beauty to a different track that our artistic forefathers (mothers) would view our modern world as lacking value.
I enjoyed the imagery of society as sharks and minnows. That was cute, worth a chuckle. Maybe my sense of humor is bizarre. You didn't seem to be writing for humor however and if irony was your goal you failed.
Journaling is very valuable it can build turns of phrasing that are jewels but it doesn't translate into poetry. What is your goal
for a piece of poetry? Remember to self edit. Learn these things. Try again.
Thank you,
Graystar
I am new here. I don't understand your name and for curiosity I'd like to say, what does it mean?
While there were things I liked in your writing much of it seemed more appropriate for stream of thought journaling not to ever be seen by others. It seemed to me you changed from saying you didn't measure up in the world that values degrees and beauty to a different track that our artistic forefathers (mothers) would view our modern world as lacking value.
I enjoyed the imagery of society as sharks and minnows. That was cute, worth a chuckle. Maybe my sense of humor is bizarre. You didn't seem to be writing for humor however and if irony was your goal you failed.
Journaling is very valuable it can build turns of phrasing that are jewels but it doesn't translate into poetry. What is your goal
for a piece of poetry? Remember to self edit. Learn these things. Try again.
Thank you,
Graystar