10-31-2013, 07:17 AM
(10-24-2013, 01:18 AM)expiring_touch Wrote: Why does it hurt so much? Or better – why does it linger,
Fermenting between the folds of my consciousness, resurrecting.
I wake up, slowly,
slowly to the unforgiving glare of a new day.
and it’s not just my shoulders I like the use of physical discomfort here to suggest a deeper pain , I would like to see this brought out some more because as it is now your shoulders seem to be a trivial point, but it has potential!!
that feel discomfort
because the aircon has been turned too low
and there’s no hiding from it in my small room.
I stumble from my bed, where my body is sprawled
Diagonally. Because I’m Russian and I like to expropriate Not that this is wrong-but I'm wondering why you capitalized "diagonally"? I like the sentence, but I'm brought to wonder,perhaps it's capitalized to emphasize poetic form or a sense of feeling "sideways", a kind of confusion?
all the spaces
that had once been yours.
I'm new to this poetry forum (subscribed today), I replied once with edits, hit enter, then found my cursor resting here, in the quick reply box. Is this for replying to the original poet poster without wanting the original text in the box as well?