10-29-2013, 01:05 PM
Johanna,
I can relate to these feelings. But.. I have heard most of these things before.
I do like the line about the bruise.. it has potential. it is original. The first 5 lines are very generic and over used. Dig deeper.
Describe his laugh. Compare it with something. I want to be able to hear it..heck, I wanna taste it. Try to describe the way you feel about this guy like no one else has.. not the first thought that pops into your head from a love song.
Maybe start with the night at the water? Describe it. Describe him. You can add all those feelings. But walk us through and draw a picture.
Just trying to help.
Happy writing, Jenn
I can relate to these feelings. But.. I have heard most of these things before.
I do like the line about the bruise.. it has potential. it is original. The first 5 lines are very generic and over used. Dig deeper.
Describe his laugh. Compare it with something. I want to be able to hear it..heck, I wanna taste it. Try to describe the way you feel about this guy like no one else has.. not the first thought that pops into your head from a love song.
Maybe start with the night at the water? Describe it. Describe him. You can add all those feelings. But walk us through and draw a picture.
Just trying to help.
Happy writing, Jenn