From Outside a New Light

[priya]

The song draweth nigh,
for the singer doth deceive
A pedestal or a throne very good
for a basket without weave
To each seller is himself
Each himself to be sold I liked this, but didn't understand it.
two penny for your strife,
all silver for half gold
Along and long tithe This line seems a little off to me. I agree with Malu that it reads weird
since the river gave gain
A dark shift that drives on
a soft shadow through the rain I like this line a lot
From ashes to ashes
For we all must fall down Is this an allusion to the children's rhyme? I think this line seems a little obtrusive.
A slim glance at king's eye
A fist curled for king's crown

Although the poem's rhyme scheme and mechanics seemed fine to me, I had a hard time ascertaining meaning from this poem. The words were beautiful, but the message was clouded by your diction. The first three lines started to tell a story, but, starting from "for a basket without weave," I began to get confused. For the rest of the poem, though pretty for the most part, was indecipherable for me. However, I am new at critiquing poetry, so you should take that with a grain of salt.