So, I Dream of Raining Fucks

[tectak]

Wow, thanks a lot for the feedback. To be honest, this poem was meant to be messy to try and differ from the last, so it looks like I did that. Really I was just trying to express the disconnect between who I was when I was young, and who I am now as an older, married man.

Speaking of which Tetak, my wife gave me the exact same criticism about the opening lines. She said I always start my poems way too wordy, and that it caused the rest of the poem's strengths to be weaker for it. She gave it a 6/10, but that's because she's a dick:p

She also didn't like that I put fuck in, because she felt it was out of place. Seems she was right.

I'll see if I can try to salvage the piece and make it a little stronger, but this one was more catharsis than anything. I really, really liked writing it just because it caught my adolescence quite a bit. I know it's not very good, but it's very good for me. I'm working on another, which has so far taken me half a dozen hours (whereas this one took me half a dozen minutes) so hopefully I'll improve. Thanks again for the feedback and I'm just glad I can get feelings in.

Good egg.
Don't habitually ditch stuff after crit. Take the crit which is useful to YOU and use it to work the poem. Ditch crit which is an anathema to you....including mine. Most crit is generic, or should be. Sometimes the stuff we write is so anal that just reading a month later is cringeworthy...when someone else reads your work, that's where they are.
Best,
tectak