So, I Dream of Raining Fucks

[SirBrendan]

Wow, thanks a lot for the feedback. To be honest, this poem was meant to be messy to try and differ from the last, so it looks like I did that. Really I was just trying to express the disconnect between who I was when I was young, and who I am now as an older, married man.

Speaking of which Tetak, my wife gave me the exact same criticism about the opening lines. She said I always start my poems way too wordy, and that it caused the rest of the poem's strengths to be weaker for it. She gave it a 6/10, but that's because she's a dick:p

She also didn't like that I put fuck in, because she felt it was out of place. Seems she was right.

I'll see if I can try to salvage the piece and make it a little stronger, but this one was more catharsis than anything. I really, really liked writing it just because it caught my adolescence quite a bit. I know it's not very good, but it's very good for me. I'm working on another, which has so far taken me half a dozen hours (whereas this one took me half a dozen minutes) so hopefully I'll improve. Thanks again for the feedback and I'm just glad I can get feelings in.