10-24-2013, 11:05 PM
I've read this poem likely twenty times now. There's something really interesting about it for me. It reads wonderfully, which is why the sort of dream-like phrasing is rubbing me so raw. You've clearly got a better head for meter and structure than I do, so I just want you to take your poetry to that next bit.
Again though, I'm just one reader and I'm certainly no Keats. I just know that whereas the sound was lovely, the message was totally lost on me. If it's there, it's too buried within itself. But the good news, and it's good news, is you have a tremendous advantage in being able to hear your poetry better than most. I'd really like to see you push out another, because I do see the potential.
There have certainly been poets on this forum 've read where I just want to stop, but you definitely aren't one of 'em
Again though, I'm just one reader and I'm certainly no Keats. I just know that whereas the sound was lovely, the message was totally lost on me. If it's there, it's too buried within itself. But the good news, and it's good news, is you have a tremendous advantage in being able to hear your poetry better than most. I'd really like to see you push out another, because I do see the potential.
There have certainly been poets on this forum 've read where I just want to stop, but you definitely aren't one of 'em
If I could say only one thing before I die, it'd probably be,
"Please don't kill me"
"Please don't kill me"