snake

[viviencherylin]

Senior snake, the old and wise
may I take your council free of demise? Rhythmically, this flows oddly. The line may be a tad too long syllabically.

Or will you take what I have to say
as a tasty surprise? The odd flow of the aforementioned line is accentuated with the shortened length of this line. I'm not sure if that's what you're going for, but it is definitely disjointed. Try adding an adjective.

Will I meet your demise? “your demise” or “my demise”? Is it the snake's downfall or yours?

Sorry senior, my eyes are burning did you mean “senior” or “señor”?
harshly from the sun.

Snake, out in the desert I can't
smell what is food or rot. both of these two lines are syllabically too short for the poem, without achieving a purposeful effect. Also, you might want to reconsider “snake”

How do you survive in this
death like place?

Rise, said the snake. Use quotation marks - punctuate
In the desert
every treat you must take. Not sure about this rhyming thing, think more about the flow and choice of words than whether or not they rhyme – surely there is more of a descriptive, precise word than “take” that you could use

Fake or otherwise a lie can be punctuate this line, commas are your friend
history or demise. The meaning in this line is ambiguous, not necessarily a good thing

I am just a hungry desert snake
if you thrive on lies,
ill be your demise. Use quotation marks for this whole passage, capitalise your I, take careful note of your punctuation. Rhythmically, this isn't bad.

I don't lie I just slither
on by, looking for those things,
where weak resides.

Things that tickle my belly inside. This definitely improves and sounds more natural towards the end

Hopefully my comments are in line with the intention of your poem. Keep at it