Tanka 26th July

[emerald13]

the labyrinth
has two exits
both illuminated -
perplexed moth
finds neither

yes .. its not a tanka ...
i find it a little wordy for short form
if i may? ..

both exits
illuminated
the moth
finds neither

or

both exits
the moth illuminated
finds neither

?

love the visual i get from you premise ...
to my reading .. there is a definite play on the word 'illuminated'
so play with it !

poetry ... particularly short poetry should not spoon feed the reader ... and cutting out extraneous words sometimes brings us into pithy, sparkling aha moments ... the lifeblood of short poetry i think

>>> Gina