Lunar Glow

[milo]

Hello allykat, good to see you again. I hope you did well in your creative writing course.

I’m loving Night,
for Moon is bright
and Sky is thick
with Clouds.

it looks like you are attempting to anthropomorphicize Night, Moon, Sky and Clouds here(?). "for" definitely doesn't work here. "I'm loving" instead of "I love" is strange as well. It tries to identify with a specific instance which would lead to a narrative but it is never realised. There is nothing either new or original about bright moons in poetry.

Yellow softens
darkened Blue,
blending, circling
Milk-White Moon.

I confess, I can't figure out why you are capitalizing some words. So far. you have 2 stanzas describing the moon and the sky at night. Since there is really nothing new in the description and no symbolism or metaphor that I can make out, I am starting to wonder when we will get to the poem.

And rainbow Light
shines out in rays
through billowed haze
of smoky Sky,
splitting shadowed,
blackened Night.

Rainbows don't really exist at night, as far as I know. At this point, the endless description of your night is starting to get a bit boring.

For when Moon’s light
takes ashen Sky,
flecks of silver emphasize
that beauty sits
in seas of Clouds
who beg and brood
‘neath dark Night Sky
and vibrate out
of Moon’s bright Light.

"'neath" really has no place in modern poetry (with the exception of satire).

As a whole, I feel like this little vignette wastes too many words and doesn't really accomplish much. All I got from the whole poem is that your narrator likes pretty nights and the moon, but I don't think that is enough.

I feel like all of this could be condensed into a haiku and still say more through a juxtaposition.

Thanks for posting.

Good to see you again.

Thanks Milo. I got an A

congratulations! I am a little jealous, i have always wanted to take a creative writing course or a poetry course or whatever.

Thanks for your comments. The capitalization was really just me trying on something new... I think it's safe to say that nobody agreed with it, so lesson learned.

There is a deeper message in the poem and I can see I did not do a good job of conveying it because nobody seemed to understand it.

Despite the fact that most of the comments on this piece were negative, this piece managed to get A LOT of response. What should I take from this? Do you think people are just more likely to comment when they have something critical to say? Or perhaps it initially seemed relatable and readable and was easier to comment on than some other pieces? I don't know... I'm not sure if I should just scrap the whole piece or if there is actually something in there worth bringing out.

these are good questions and i think they are similar to those we all ask ourselves now and then. i can't speak for others, but i know that the reason i commented was mostly because you always seem to take comments for what they are - one person's honest attempt to give the most objective feedback they can manage in order to help the poem. In addition, you generally help others and are friendly and easy to get along with. If i see something posted by you I always make a point to read it and offer any insight I can.

As for whether you should scrap it? Only you can answer that for yourself. If it was me, i would. I didn't find enough unique or compelling in this particular poem about the moon and clouds and wind and whatever to merit much, but who knows, maybe you can really turn it around. It might not be a bad idea to try to submit it for the mentoring project as you seem to have a solid idea of what you want out of it but just need some serious surgery.