poem of publets

[Keith]

My poem for publets,
and all the nublets
that happen to be reading,
seeding or feeding the
hungry of the mind.

nublets please, listen close Nublets move the comma to the end
for though i tend to hear the most I
random things in an afternoon.
it doesn't mean one still can not the line is too long (It doesn't mean I can't)
play near the moon.

piglets come here and close. close, boast
you may die tomorrow, but
to your end, we shall brost.
with beer and your body of coarse.
at least some can die,
without the thoughts of remorse.

remorse, feel me now. for
thou art everything that you are now.
i can feel you or i can die
like a pig. or the moon can be
like guiding light till the end. Re-write and drop all the previous references come up with something that fits with the other stanza's and still puts your point across

Bunx you me got again with this one, You need to take time and do a good edit, re-write the last stanza it reads like you gave up and rushed the ending just to finish. I really enjoyed this, if you could maintain the standard of the opening stanza you would have a very fine poem. Best Keith