Cement Jungle

[tectak]

Hi everyone
I've been trying my hand at more contemporary forms of poetry, but I am relatively inexperienced so I lack the discipline that I should have. This is one of my first few attempts, so please be nice, but any comments for improvement would be greatly appreciated

Cement Jungle

We were lovers
Who danced in fields
Of murky grey
Who forgot that night,
If you stood far
Enough away
From the streetlight,
Could emulate
The sweetness of day

That was our life
Who, as dreamers,
Born to a world
Already discovered
By the forefathers
Of our past,
Could do nothing more
And say nothing more
Than a simple:

Adieu!
Adieu!
Adieu!

To that starry shore
That we once knew.

If you punctuate this to clarity and stop capitalising every line (contemporary??) I will transport you to serious workshopping...it will be worthy.
Best,
tectak
Well done. Drop the adieu(contemporary??)