tarnish (My first poem)

[sansysans]

For a first poem it is pretty good. There is some awkwardness and a little wordiness and the line breaks an periods in the last strophe are messed up but it is a nice start.

Thank you; I employed periods in the last stanza to give a sense of resolve, emphasis even. Any specifics as far as the awkward and wordiness?

I think this poem is very good for a first, given my lack of experience I couldn't tell you what was wrong but I can say that it made me strongly contemplate what you were writing about and it's always a good thing when your audience is interested enough to try to translate what you are saying.

Much thanks, contemplation is the goal!