10-16-2013, 07:36 AM
Sonata,
Before I critique something in specifics, I need to know what it is I am critiquing. If this is a love poem, or developing love between two humans, the images do not convey that for me. Considering you say "your nose is pressed against mine", meaning the speaker's and something else' nose, I can make no sense of
"And my wild instrument pressed against my chest
assists me with it's raw sound"
I have no idea who is who, what the interaction is, and certainly no clue as to what this "wild instrument" might be. In other words, I do not have any idea what this is suppose to be about. Until I do, I can't say much about it, nor will I try.
Dale
Before I critique something in specifics, I need to know what it is I am critiquing. If this is a love poem, or developing love between two humans, the images do not convey that for me. Considering you say "your nose is pressed against mine", meaning the speaker's and something else' nose, I can make no sense of
"And my wild instrument pressed against my chest
assists me with it's raw sound"
I have no idea who is who, what the interaction is, and certainly no clue as to what this "wild instrument" might be. In other words, I do not have any idea what this is suppose to be about. Until I do, I can't say much about it, nor will I try.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.