10-16-2013, 06:41 AM
It's deep, Very Very well portrayal of the emotions, I'm sure there are things that could tighten it up a bit but I cant put my finger on what exactly that would be. it has that really eerie feel at the beginning and gets really impending toward the end, I think the second line feeels odd but I can't tell you how it could be better, just the 'ride this ride' reads a bit odd. I like your take on it though. You should see mine titled 'A Long Way From Home' its not as dark as yours but I think you might find the comparison a bit intriguing