10-15-2013, 11:36 PM
the man who tells yet cannot teach
at present remains the one who draws (lineation makes no sense)
the attention of those that satisfy
vain curiosity
Try writing in sentences.
the man who tells yet cannot teach at present remains the one who draws the attention of those that satisfy vain curiosity
Is that a sentence?
"Who is "yet" and what is the man trying to tell him?"
Who is "at present" and why is the man unable to teach him?
Sometimes, very good writers can pull off not using punctuation, you re not one of those. write in grammatical sentences, and use punctuation.
As has been stated you seem to be trying to tell something that is already known, and then do so in the most convoluted way possible.
Poetry is not about making simple things complex, it is about making difficult things understandable. Profundity is not found in gibberish.
I'm really not trying to be unduly critical, but you seem to be like a number of people, who are under the misapprehension that writing in this way is somehow "poetic". The failure to use punctuation, write ungrammatical and unintentionally ambiguous sentences does not make something poetic.
Dale
at present remains the one who draws (lineation makes no sense)
the attention of those that satisfy
vain curiosity
Try writing in sentences.
the man who tells yet cannot teach at present remains the one who draws the attention of those that satisfy vain curiosity
Is that a sentence?
"Who is "yet" and what is the man trying to tell him?"
Who is "at present" and why is the man unable to teach him?
Sometimes, very good writers can pull off not using punctuation, you re not one of those. write in grammatical sentences, and use punctuation.
As has been stated you seem to be trying to tell something that is already known, and then do so in the most convoluted way possible.
Poetry is not about making simple things complex, it is about making difficult things understandable. Profundity is not found in gibberish.
I'm really not trying to be unduly critical, but you seem to be like a number of people, who are under the misapprehension that writing in this way is somehow "poetic". The failure to use punctuation, write ungrammatical and unintentionally ambiguous sentences does not make something poetic.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.