Maybe Love

[Laura Marx]

Heya Sonata.

I can't stop feeling a tickling feel, Not a great opening line - it's not very strong. It feels like it's following up something that I haven't heard about yet. It's better to open with a thing, rather than what it predicates.
when you come outta blistering cold 'outta' feels a little misplaced, the rest of the peom isn't written with colloquialisms. I'd switch it to 'out the' or something like that.
and come closer until your nose is pressed
against mine. Strong image - I'd flip this stanza on its head; 'When you come closer out of the blistering cold/until your nose is pressed against mine/I feel ticklish'

And I find it kinda funny when you flicker you don't mean when they flicker with their eyes, I think; you mean when they flicker their eyes. You ought to say so!
with your roe deer black, eyes. 'roe deer eyes' and 'black eyes' invoke the same thing; be economical; 'with your deer eyes'
And my wild instrument pressed against my chest I can't imagine what this is - when I read it I immediately though penis.
assists me with it's raw sound not to ever and this really made me think penis
forget that look that you sometimes have;
when you're at peace. this whole stanza doesn't really impress much on this reader; I come away with it without any real understanding of what's happening.

Often, it makes me moody when you are melancholic,
but I'm always there. This is really good. It'd be much nicer against the backdrop of a few stronger images

Usually, I can't stop feeling that I'm falling in something
that I had forgotten about a great long time ago. I like 'a great long time ago' - you sort of mess up syntax at times. Sometimes it's a little too much, and sometimes it's great. This one feels a lot more natural than the others, less poetic and it's good for that reason.

Now, your smile just makes me wake up at night,
just to dream about you while I'm awake. Nice ending.

I feel like your poem is lacking a lot of body - I feel you are describing something that you can see, but I cannot see it with you. There are some great images in this - lovers with their noses pressed up against each other in the cold - holding eachother close and looking into each others eyes. I think you should push that up to the center, right now they're in the background.