Martin Luther King

[tectak]

Call me colour-blind, all I see is black and white. With whatever respect you endow yourself, I do not think you are saying what you think. If all you see is black and white you are a self-confessed racist. What you mean to say is that you do not see colour, including black and white, but just humanity.Be careful who you exclude..China is on the rise
A humanity based on a colourless sight. Exactly. Now compare to what you intimated in L1.
White man inferior, strong and free, This is nonsensense linguistically and factually. Have you heard that the poor whites remain on the caboose of the train? Sticking to the poetic crit, you have not created a stand-alone sentence here or in the previous line. Both are written as though aide memoirs or as answers to as yet unasked questions. It is gratingly lacking in technique especially if you are assuming the personna of one of the great orators of our recent history.
black man subjacent, lesser, minority. See...now you have equalised by accident with inferior and subjacent. Again, you are failing to say what you mean. Inferior means subjacent.
White men whip black men right into shape,
no equal rights, cannot escape.
God said love one another, it says in the bible,
yet white man still stomps, never quite liable. As a pointed observation of a world inescapably bad, you make a cameo comment but do it badly. There is not enough strength in the words to summon up biblical rage. You have an opportunity here to let rip...instead we have a race admonished for stomping and getting away with it. Oh, the wickedness of stomping....what can you do?
Mississippi Georgia, a couple states filled with hate. If you cannot make your line fit the meter, leave out words until it does. Where is the of? This Mississippi Georgia, is this another Georgia, deep south, that I didn't know about? Mississippi and Georgia, surely?
Why can’t white and black man follow the hands of fate? They do...that's the problem Again, not concise or thought through. Just words...no real meaning. God intended us to be one, to love each other equally, Preachy screechy. Whose god? This would be statemental outside your remit as mlk, but I do not recall god making the black and white arguement...mind you, if he did he was probably right. Not that it matters poetically, considering the next line
yet we are segregated based on our pigment more often than frequently. Great Scott! A horrendous forced rhyme.You almost commited lexicide to kill this line. Dreadful and you know it. Here's the thing. You want to write in rhyme? OK. You are in charge of the words, not vice versa. If you cannot get a benevolent ryhme for "equally", change equally.
" God created us as one; you my sister, you my brother.
Still we hold our coloured skin to segregate one from the other." Your poem.

You see I walk during the day when the sun is shining bright, Yep...that's nailed it...that's when the sun shines alright. Patent cliche based on painstaking observation of solar prediction. Avoid stating the obvious because it invariably adds nothing to your poem or the weather forecast. Worse, it makes a serious poem seem flippant.
and the looks I get from white man screams something is not right. Looks scream, sounds blind, scents sing, touch looks. Say no more. Please.
Is it because I am dirty, or because I am not clean? Well, given these choices...er...mmm...errr...the second...no...the first...err. What DO you mean? Now looky up Martin, you is just not up to dis oratory ting. But HE was. I think you are asking too much of yourself. Said kindly
My skin is just dark, or have you not seen...
Now I am not asking for much I am just stating the facts,
That my fellow Negros just so happen to be blacks. Funny, that. I've noticed it, too. Coincidences..eh...never fail to astonish me
We all want the same thing, to be happy and live a good life,
but to do that we need to stop stabbing one another with a knife. ...A knife...one knife...that can seriously spread disease. This needs rephrasing. Over to you.
We are all humans; we need acceptance and love,
I know we can achieve that, we can rise above.
My name is Martin Luther King and I am a Negro man,
My dream is equality, to be egalitarian.

A good bad idea. You overstretched everywhere. Mind you, well done for trying. Have a go at being God next time. He didn't say much by all accounts....at least not on video where we can compare. You have a very strong point to make which theoretically cannot be diminished in its message by repetition or by the passage of time. If you feel that you have made some unique contribution to the discussion then fine, but I don't see it. What I do see is a desire to write poetry. Do not lose it.
Best,
tectak