10-11-2013, 10:35 AM
"idiot" does rhyme with "stupid slut", or "little bit" depending on how you pronounce it. I only point this out since you rhyme the first three stanzas. I personally don't consider it a rhyme if you just repeat the same word, "me", "me", "me", "me". Not that repeating "me" is boring or anything. 
The problem with critiquing lyrics is that you can have a whole handful of words in one measure and follow with three in the next and it works just fine because of the music. Nor do things have to rhyme, or for that matter what is written doesn't even need to make sense. The problem with this poem/lyric is it's lack of originality, except maybe for the use of rat boy, and I'm pretty sure I've seen that also. A lot of these lines are cliche, and often when you do rhyme it is forced, or overused "hole", "soul". Yet again, if this is put to music, and you are screaming and banging you head when singing it, it would probably work just fine.
Dale
The problem with critiquing lyrics is that you can have a whole handful of words in one measure and follow with three in the next and it works just fine because of the music. Nor do things have to rhyme, or for that matter what is written doesn't even need to make sense. The problem with this poem/lyric is it's lack of originality, except maybe for the use of rat boy, and I'm pretty sure I've seen that also. A lot of these lines are cliche, and often when you do rhyme it is forced, or overused "hole", "soul". Yet again, if this is put to music, and you are screaming and banging you head when singing it, it would probably work just fine. Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.