Writer at work [naughty word warning]

[Nick]

I like where this is going, but it feels too short. Not that short is bad - I would simply enjoy hearing an expansion on your ideas.

I also think the title could use work. This doesn't seem to be as much about the writer in you as about a day in the life kinda thing.

Her tatts are blurred by wine
She kinda smells like cat piss stark. I like it.

I tap on the butcher papered typer try a hyphen in "butcher-papered." Also, what happened to the girl?
as the rooms bulb dances from the cord Could easily be cut down to "as the bulb danced from the cord." That you are in a room doesn't really need stating; however, a little more imagery in this stanza would be nice.
(fucking trains)

My rig is darted in the wall confused here - what kind of rig?
Won't need it anymore, finally met God

Ashtrays everywhere
All overfilled
That babe can sure suck some butt interesting double wording.

Gotta finish this piece
Get some sack time
Tomorrows horror dawns early

The rig thing is covered in an earlier response.

The girl- you see what my chief problem is with this composition. I haven't figured out how to park her. She is passed out on a floor mattress that is cornered by two walls. I haven't the wording for that position yet. The line belongs in the first stanza.

Thanks for giving it all a going over.

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I am intersted to know why you have foregone punctuation in this piece. How do you think it serves your submission's aim -- what ever that might be (it is unclear to me).

I wonder if you'd consider why such an un-punctuated sentence as this:

"I enjoy eating my mother and my friends".

does not end up conveying what the writer intended to convey given that he/she is not a cannibal and how the lack of punctuation causes a reader to work more than a reader should have to work to get at the writer's intended meaning.

Lack of attention to proper punctuation seems to me not only to be an affectation (if it is not done out of ignorance of the rules and conventions of punctuation). It shows laziness on a writer's part and is an abrogation of the writer's responsibility to help the reader see with his/her eyes shut (thank you Ms. Paston) rather than to give them a code that they must break.

Jeffrey

I understand your concerns.
I looked at you photo stuff and see the classic completeness.
Are you familiar with the work of a fellow named William Carlos Williams?

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I had too many roommates on both crank and smack so I can see your point.

Other planets, other lives, eh?

But I do thank you for helping me get why you knew the slang term.

Nick