NIghtlight

[Erthona]

Jeffrey,

Thank you for your thoughtful critique, I appreciate all criticism even if I disagree with it, as it forces me to find a rational for why I did what I did.


"Illuminate is ordinarily transitive, isn't it?"

Ordinarily yes, but it can also be used as an intransitive verb meaning: "to become lighted up".
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"L 8 seems halting to me. It needs a monosyllabic word between "this" and "you". Perhaps "what is this thing you spy"?"

It is understandable to think this might be written in trochee, and thus need the extra syllable, however this is in accentual verse and the number of syllables is incidental.
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""Makes your heart to seize" is an awkward and ungrammatical phrase."

I agree. Yes you and Leanne both voiced objection to this phrase. See the above answer to Leanne about that.

Thanks again for your comments,

Dale