Under Trees (edit #1)

[ellajam]

I feel like I'm there with you. I agree that dropping the first line helped. I'm wondering if "stretching" might be an improvement over "stretched" and "tugging" over "tug", giving the scene the physical movement the experience must have had. "Brutes" is an interesting choice. The trees you describe seem more majestic than brutish. Also, unloosed and unbound suggest freedom with a positive connotation, whereas here I sense instead that they're at risk of being "razed", which would provide also some alliteration w/ "roar". Would you consider "...the roar of majesty razed"? I think that’s what is really feared here. Think I'll go put on a jacket. : )

JunKai

Ha, they're majestic every day except the one when they come crashing down destroying everything in their path, then they're brutish.

Raze is interesting, but to me seems more intentional than I'm looking for. I'll keep turning it in my head.

Thanks for reading and the food for thought.